Nurturing Relationships Rather than Fearing Sibling Rivalries
The fear of sibling rivalries is arguably the root of most hesitations towards adding children to the family. The fear is one with validity and weight, and especially if we as parents have unresolved conflict and dissension in our own sibling relationships. We may feel the need to protect our children from such sorrow as we feel ill-prepared to prevent the same results in our children’s relationships.
When looking to scripture we see the validity for this fear of sibling rivalries; Cain and Abel the first siblings and the earliest sibling rivalry ended in the first murder and the first physical death. Similarly we see rivalry between Jacob and Esau which begins in the womb, and again we see rivalry between Joseph and his brothers which leads them to sell him into slavery. While our fears surrounding the strains of sibling relationships may be valid, we should seek to learn from these examples; clinging to God’s sovereignty and leaning on His wisdom as we seek to guide our children in nurturing their sibling relationships. A rivalry is defined by the perceived competition for superiority; we can see in these biblical examples that each rivalry was rooted as the result of perceived inferiority in the sight of their parents or even that of God. In observing this we can emphasize the importance of individuality within the family.
We can encourage individuality within our family by highlighting the unique roles and responsibilities we each fulfill based on the unique talents and gifts God has granted us. It’s important as parents that we avoid encouraging rivalry between siblings, rather instill in each child the importance of stewarding the gifts God has given them as abilities and means with which they can bless and serve others. In doing so, we encourage them to view their relationship with their siblings as the framework with which they should seek to treat everyone. When this is implemented within a family dynamic, the children understand that the family operates much like a body; each serving as its own member with a unique form and function with which it serves. When this is properly instilled within a family, not only are familial relationships formed and rivalries avoided; but our children are also taught to pursue similar relationships with their neighbors, embracing the gift of diversity and fleeing dissension.
