Attention Divided and Affection Multiplied
Whether our second set of pink lines come 6 years or 6 months after the birth of our first born, the concept of adding a sibling to our family dynamics will undoubtedly be met with a smorgasbord of emotions. While there is excitement in the anticipated sibling relationship and bond that will undoubtedly form in the years to come; there is an understandable tendency to let the daydreams of children playing together be overshadowed by the fear of sibling quarrels and rivalries. We look at our first child, whom our world currently revolves around, the recipient of our undivided attention and unlimited affection, and we mourn this reality for them. We imagine the betrayal they’ll feel as their world is turned upside down, attention and affection stripped from them, and exchanged with the expectation to share and help.
This fear-led anticipation of jealousy and disdain is driven by our own expectation that we will not be able to care for and love two children the same way we’ve been able to with our first. We tend to believe that our divided attention must result in divided affection; and an uneven distribution will encourage rivalry between the siblings. Our tendency is to attempt to prevent the rivalry, to share our attention evenly, and ultimately focus on combating the potential “consequences” rather than nurturing their new relationship. While it’s true, our capacity to share our attention and assistance will be stretched, so will our capacity to love and care for more than one soul at a time; our attention may be divided, but our affections will simply multiply.
From our firstborn’s perspective, yes, the attention formerly cast entirely upon them is now shared as are the possessions they formally claimed as their own. However, they gain a relationship unlike any other, one that will teach invaluable lessons; how to love, serve, and forgive someone other than themself. The early years may be hard, as these lessons take root through discipline; however the fruit of brotherly love and selflessness will be worth the faithful labor. Let us meditate on how 1 Thessalonians 3:12 can be applied in this season, “May the Lord make your love grow more and multiply for each other and for all people so that you will love others as we love you.”
