We’ve redefined self-care for moms, as an intentional and disciplined pursuit of prioritizing one’s own essential needs amidst meeting those of our children. Simply by definition we can identify the contrast with the cultural norm of self-indulgence marketed as essential self-care. But what does this truly look like on a daily basis, and how do we embrace this reality joyfully rather than becoming embittered by the miniscule amount of time we have for ourselves?
When the consistent night-wakes run into early mornings, met with breakfast dishes that run into dinner dishes, intermingled with dirty diaper changes and bath times; it is easy to identify the countless ways our children’s needs are put before our own on a daily basis. Our sleep, our meals, and our ever so cherished quiet time are all interrupted quite consistently by the needs of our children. While many times this does leave our cup feeling as though it is empty, and yet still pouring. We must do our part to fill our own cup. It is so easy in the midst of the motherly outpour, to blame our children for our fatigue, overstimulation, and melancholia, without considering the part we play.
We are not simply victims of our circumstances, in the midst of caring for children with diligence we must not excuse our own laxity in self-care and then blame our children. The image of a nursing mom illustrates this so beautifully, it is commonly believed that if a mother does not prioritize feeding herself a nutritious diet and drinking an adequate amount of water then she will not be able to produce the milk needed to sustain her baby. However, this is untrue, the mothers body will continue to provide milk for the baby; however, the nutrients will be pulled from the mothers own nutrient stores, therefore further depleting the mother. The milk will still be nutritious; however, it is at a higher cost to the mother’s body.
Likewise, when we choose to sleep in until the cries of our children wake us, we are sacrificing what could be quiet time, hot coffee, and an intentional start to our morning. When we make our children balanced lunches and for ourselves settle for their unwanted sandwich crusts and our reheated coffee, we are sacrificing our health for supposed convenience. (Would it really be that hard to make ourselves a sandwich while we’re at it?) If we do not prioritize our own diet, it will affect our hormones and health, and in turn affect our energy, mood and sleep…and well, doesn’t that seep into every area of our lives and how effectively we can serve our families? If we choose to spend the “little” free time we have scrolling multiple media networks, connecting with people across the globe, involving ourselves in news, politics and drama, we are sacrificing our attention and energy towards issues that often do not concern or impact us-all at the cost of our children who want our time and attention. And then when our children still expect us to be attentive and caring, we dismiss them in a huff of “overstimulation” and annoyance. All of that to say, let us take a very humble look at how well we are caring for ourselves, before we cry for a kid-free happy hour.
For so many of us even the bare minimum in terms of self-care seems pathetically unattainable; a reasonable sleep schedule, three meals a day, and just a quick rinse in the shower (you don’t even need to wash your hair). Nourishing our bodies and guarding our minds are two small steps we can prioritize that offer an abundance of potential growth in self-care. In turn allowing us to be better mothers with a larger capacity to pour into our children, meeting their needs, and being fulfilled and joyful in doing so, rather than drained, and embittered by their expectations.
